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Why you think you are ugly by Melissa Butler

1. The Frustration with Linear Beauty Standards​

Butler, who built a cosmetic company out of frustration, identifies as a "beauty disrupter" and "self-esteem advocate". She grew up in Detroit where the ideal image for Black girls was light-skinned with long hair, contrasting with her own brown skin, curvier body, and gap teeth.

  • The Problem: Attractiveness is consistently viewed through a singular, linear lens.
  • The Current Standard: If you search "beauty," the results show "fair-skinned, thin, young women," implying that good looks do not come in any other form.
  • The Consequence: This leads people to believe they are "ugly" or "not enough," causing them to stifle opportunities because they feel they do not belong or deserve success. This low self-esteem is then often extended to peers: "If I'm not enough, she's definitely not enough".

2. Beauty Standards as a Cultural and Global Issue​

Butler asserts that while women are achieving success in all areas, they are still "relegated to this idea that beauty and our looks are most important".

  • Gender and Racial Bias: She cites examples like Serena Williams' appearance being scrutinized while dominating tennis, and a little girl being barred from school due to her braided hairstyle, which is a long-standing part of African and African American culture.
  • The Western Standard: What is attractive is a popularized understanding of our cultural footprint. As the world becomes more interconnected, the global standard of beauty is quickly becoming the Western standard of beauty.
  • Commercial Evidence: In countries like South Africa and China, which have largely people of color populations, white women are still at the forefront of commercial campaigns.
  • Extreme Consequences: This linearity fuels a $10 billion industry built on the idea that "beauty is linear." An example is the 70% of women in Lagos, Nigeria, who bleach their skin despite the link to cancer, simply trying to "get ahead".
  • A Multi-Generational, Gender-Neutral Issue:
    • Women: Plus-sized, mature, and ethnic women are left feeling inadequate or unwanted.
    • Men: Most male CEOs of Fortune 500 companies are taller than average because height is linked to attractiveness and power.
    • Children: Children are growing up with low self-esteem, which often leads to them becoming consumers of weight-loss fads and plastic surgery. Butt and thigh plastic surgery trends, for instance, surged by 4200% since the year 2000.

3. Transformation and Call to Action​

To transform and start loving ourselves, Butler offers a challenge:

  • Identify Triggers and Cut Them Off: Determine the sources that make you feel less than (e.g., social media, going shopping, or even a relative who comments on your weight) and remove them from your life. If a relative is pulling you down, they "has got to go".
  • Embrace Your Identity: "You have to be prepared to go to bat for your identity in this pop culture driven society"
  • The Mirror Challenge: Look at yourself in the mirror, see all of your greatness, accept it, and love it.
  • Extend the Love: The next day, try to extend that same love and acceptance to someone who doesn't look like you.